Homesick
Home.
You see these phrases everywhere. “Home is where your heart is.” “With you I’m home.” “There’s no place like home.” “Home is not a place, it is a feeling.” “The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.” You can find them on plaques for your house, on tea towels, on nicknacks, on greeting cards.
I personally like these quotes I found:
“Home is where your story begins.” - Annie Danielson
“The longest road out is the shortest road home.” - Irish Proverb
“Home should be an anchor, a port in the storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love.” - Marvin J Ashton
I’ve had many homes in my 30+ years. There was my childhood home on Vancouver Island, halfway down a hill with a cul-de-sac perfect for sledding, a large arbutus tree next to the driveway with the perfect swing and a rock-wall and picket fenced garden as green as a jungle in the summer. Then the home of my youth, “the farm” where I learned to milk goats and helped collect eggs, where I got ready for prom, and years later where I would marry Bob in the orchard.
After high school, my home for a year was in a little town called Dromore, Co. Down, Northern Ireland, where I lived in the home of the lovely Lorraine. Then it was off to the big city of Vancouver and UBC where I lived in 4 different “homes” and rooming situations throughout my university years. One was an old convent converted to a Christian dorm. One was on the 19th floor of a tower looking west with beautiful sunsets. And one was a tiny bachelor suite Bob and I called our first home, so tiny that you literally could stand in the middle and reach any corner with 5 steps.
Our first “grown-up” home was an apartment downtown Vancouver, above a Costco. Heading to work early in the morning our parking garage smelled of fresh bread. (This also meant that on several occasions our fire alarms would go off if they burned anything in the bakery!) This apartment had a large structural post in the living room that we decorated as a Christmas tree.
And finally our home we are in right now. The place we brought both our girls from the hospital. The home that has a spot where we mark how tall they are getting. The place we have spent the majority of the last 10 months due to a global pandemic. Another cul-de-sac (though not so great for sledding and no tree to hang a swing in) in the suburbia of Coquitlam.
Now you may be asking yourself “why is she talking about homes? What’s the point Anne?” Well, the point is being homesick with a longing that is a part of our very DNA. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Stick with me. It’ll come together.
Today I was homesick for Northern Ireland. Different things can trigger this, but today it was a podcast I listen to regularly in which the host was interviewing a few people from Northern Ireland. And it was the accents. 5 minutes in and I was laughing while also heavy hearted. The time I spent there changed my life. The heart of the people, the beauty of the land, the laughter and the life; there’s no place like it. I miss my friends that became family. I miss the rolling green hills and narrow roads. I miss the sweet chilli chicken and chip from T’san Welcome and the Hawaiian burger from Browne’s. I miss the times of worship and prayer we would have before opening the drop-in-centre for the night. I miss the walks home late at night with the fresh smell of dirt after a good rain. I miss the retreats and a good hearty Sunday roast. And if I’m honest, there are times I miss the care-free innocent Anne who picked up a little of the accent herself. Though my time there was only 10 months, it might as well have been 10 years, the mark it left on my heart. It has been 12.5 years since my feet were last on Northern Irish soil. And when the day comes that I get to return, I will be as nervous and giddy as the first time.
There’s a wee little song that was released 20 years ago called “My Love” by an Irish boy band by the name Westlife. The chorus lyrics go like this:
“So, I say a little prayer / And hope my dreams will take me there / Where the skies are blue / To see you once again, my love
Overseas from coast to coast / To find a place I love the most / Where the fields are green / To see you once again / My love”
And if you really are in the mood for a cheesy ballad music video, clink the link here and enjoy the splendour of the coastline of Ireland at minute 3. (Be warned though, the video quality is not quite what I remember…) I remember the first time I watched this video and the chills I got. The longing to go back to a place I love, where the fields are green, to see the friends and culture I love. There are days the ache is deep and very tangible.
Growing in my heart though is an ache that connects with a deeper longing. And that is a longing for my heavenly home. The deeper I dig into my Bible and grow in my love and knowledge of God, the more I long for that day when all that is wrong will be made right, when there will be no more tears and weeping, when I will see the loved ones that have already gone ahead. I had a moment like that the other day. It was my uncle’s 65th birthday and as I looked at a picture of him, I could picture my dad picking up the phone to give his brother a call, the laughter and ribbing that would go on, the little words of German I would pick up, the love that would be unspoken but very present. I miss my Papa. It has been 13 years without him.
As I was reflecting on this idea of longing for home, I went back to that quote I shared at the beginning.
“Home should be an anchor, a port in the storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love.” - Marvin J Ashton.
And it hit me. Home is not a place. It is a person. And that person is Jesus. He is my anchor. He is my port in the storm, my refuge, my happy place. It is wrapped in his arms that I am most truly loved and it is from that love that gives me a capacity to love others. The longing I feel is an intimacy and communion with God that we won’t fully experience this side of heaven. It is a longing that is in each human as we were made for relationship with our Creator. I love what CS.Lewis says:
“The fact that our heart yearns for something earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven must be our home.”
I’m learning to live in the tension of both and. Both grateful and content with the life I have right now, living a purposeful and missional life AND also homesick for heaven. Both finding my ‘home’ with Jesus as I walk through this life, AND yearning to see him face to face. When that day comes, I will be home.
Perhaps you are experiencing that longing nothing in this world can satisfy. Perhaps your experience of ‘home’ has been hard and left you with a lot of pain. Perhaps you have a loved one who has already gone ‘home.’ Can I encourage you to give Jesus a chance? He wants to be your home.
I will leave you with some of the lyrics of one my all time favourite songs called “That’s When I’ll Know I am Home” by Geoff Moore and the Distance.
“There is a place / where truth will always be spoken / and promises can be believed / A place where your hearts can't be broken / And loved ones will never leave / So if you are longing for a place of belonging / The home you've dreamed of / Is waiting for you
When no one will ever be hungry or cold / No one will hurt or will ever grow old / No one will die and leave someone alone / Forever no pain or disease / All will be equal, and all will be free / True love will come / And we'll fall at His feet
And finally I'll see with the darkness erased / Not through a glass, but then face to face / And that's when I'll know I'm home”
Giants Causeway - Northern Ireland