Practicing, Not Perfection
We had a record growing up (yes, an actual record that went on a record player that had an A side and a B side) called Bullfrogs and Butterflies. The cover was bright, with yellow and orange letters, fun goofy farm animals, a jumping frog, a flying butterfly, and a jar of tadpoles. The record was packed full with catchy songs that held lots of nuggets of truth. The title song, “Bullfrogs and Butterflies,” is all about how both these creatures go through a transformation process, how they were both born again: from tadpole to frog, from caterpillar to butterfly.
My sister and I could both sing most of the songs by heart, and even after our childhood had passed by we would, at different moments, sing snippets of the songs. “Good morning good morning good morning it’s time to rise and shine” made a frequent appearance. Also on rainy days, “Sonshine sonshine, I’ve got a different kind of sonshine.” (And yes, that apparent typo is intentional). But the other snippet that we would recall is this:
“Practice makes perfect
Practice makes perfect
I guess if I practice then better I'll be”
On the album, a little girl is struggling with her piano piece. As she stumbles through and makes a few mistakes here and there, she sings this song:
“Teacher says practice each day my piano
And maybe a concert pianist I'll be
Play my scales daily and I'll be an expert
With no more mistakes I will master the keys
Mommy says practice will make all things perfect
And perfect is always the best you can be
If I practice love like I practice piano
I'll make others happy and better I'll be
Practice makes perfect
Practice makes perfect
And I guess if I practice then better I'll be”
I get what the song is trying to teach the little ears listening. Just because we get something wrong the first time, it doesn’t mean we give up. We keep trying. With most things, the more we practice, the more we improve. It is true with my cooking. It is true as I learn to speak and read Mandarin. Whether a sport or a language, a hobby or a job, with repetition comes potential for mastery. The same is true with the soft skills like gratitude and kindness and generosity. So I objectively see what they are trying to teach. The intention and the heart is good.
But my experience with this message has not been an easy one. And I don’t think I fully realized how far I had come until I found the album on Spotify recently and started to play it for my girls.
The words of this song stuck in my head and in my heart as a young girl. And as I said, we would sing snippets of the song to one another in our home. When I myself was practicing piano and getting frustrated: “Practice makes Perfect.” When I was having trouble doing the dishes: “practice makes perfect.” When I was growing weary over the math questions or the spelling or memorization of something: “Practice makes perfect.” It was never maliciously said, only to push me to keep going and seek improvement. And I learned over time to be the voice that said it loudest to myself.
I’m not entirely sure when the shift began, but over time the voice inside shifted. It went from saying “keep going, don’t give up, you’ll improve with time and practice” to “perfection is the goal and the standard and if you can’t obtain perfection no matter how hard you try, then you’ve failed.”
Do you hear the shift? The emphasis moved from PRACTICE to PERFECT.
Years of striving for perfection from childhood, through my teens, and well into adulthood subsequently left me feeling defeated, full of frustration, dealing with a major procrastination habit, and perhaps most damaging of all, the belief that I was not enough.
Another insidious message from this song planted itself into my belief system. And that was the line “If I practice love like I practice piano, I’ll make others happy and better I’ll be.” Again, I get that it’s trying to teach that loving others is something we can practice. However, the belief that planted itself deep inside taught me that making others happy gives me worth. And I carried that belief for a very long time.
But here we are now: 3.5 years into a journey of healing. And here is what I now know to be true. Only Jesus is perfect. Only He can achieve perfection. Why? Because He is WHOLE. And He is wholly God. And that gives me SO. MUCH. FREEDOM.
As I embrace my imperfection I have learned to practice grace. I look to Jesus. I have come to recognize my desperate need for him, that He is more than enough and covers all my sin and shame.
As I embrace my imperfection I have been given opportunity to practice resilience, how to have courage, and perseverance because I am no longer bound to the goal post of perfection.
As I embrace my imperfection I am practicing my new name; having been set free from the lie that I am not enough into the truth that I am worthy and He, my creator and God, calls me his own.
So. The song should sing: practice leads to growth. Because that I can get behind. It’s good to not give up, and there is no shame in making a mistake and trying again. Also, if I could rewrite the line about love, I would say “If I practice love like I practice piano, I’ll be reflecting God and happier I’ll be.” We should practice love and kindness and generosity and grace, not to please man or self but simply because it is a reflection of what Jesus has done for us.
We’ll still listen to Bullfrogs and Butterflies. I’m not going to give it the complete Cancel Culture treatment. However, I will teach my girls to strive not for perfection but to do their best, to love deeply, to be curious to learn, to persevere in their practicing, and to have courage to try whatever they put their mind to.