The First of Us
As long as I can remember, I have judged her, looked down in disgust at the mistakes she made, despising her and the pain her choices caused. Inwardly I would tell myself “I wouldn’t have done that, she was weak.” I realize now that the pride and judgement that is pervasive in my heart is as black and ugly as the sin she committed. Rather than deal with my own sinful nature, I heap the blame on her. It’s her fault.
“Eve, you’re not the worst of us. You’re just the first of us.” - Sally Lloyd Jones, Faithful, pg 94
When I first read these words it stopped me in my tracks. And in a moment, all the blame melted into compassion and empathy that moved me to tears. Eve and I are a lot more similar than I ever realized. You see, we both at different times have believed the same lie: that God is not good, or kind, or loves us, and that following what He says won’t make us happy. (Nothing could be further from the truth, but more on that later). She experienced shame and guilt and tried to shift the blame. If you could read my mind, you’d see that this is also a shared experience.
Yet she was a woman made in God’s image; chosen, made for communion with Him, tasked to do the holy work in front of her. Yes, she made a mistake that had eternal ramifications. But God redeemed even her story. Just like He can redeem mine and yours.
“And, Eve, your name - given to you after the sentence of death - carries no blame. Eve - “mother of life.” Your name is a promise, tell you the trust story who you are: It is through you, Eve - not Adam - that Life will come. Someone will be born into your family, Eve. He will crush the serpent and the serpent will strike His heel. He is the Prince of Life Himself, born to die - and in dying, to destroy death! Those thorns on the ground will one day make a crown. You see Eve, the first gospel isn’t Matthew. It’s Genesis. And the first person to hear the gospel announced, isn’t Mary. It’s you.” - Sally Lloyd Jones, Faithful, pg 99
Could you imagine? Eve experienced this terrible separation with her Maker because of her actions. Even after her disobedience, He moves towards her, already seeking the lost. Even as His heart is breaking, He tenderly clothes her and gives her this promise, a coming hope. He does the opposite of what the lie told her. He demonstrates His goodness, His kindness, His love. He knows what the future holds. He already has a plan. The Son has already agreed to pay the ultimate price.
The rest of her life was filled with the consequences of her sin. I don’t want to minimize the damage that believing the lie did. Her life would have been hard. There was the ground to work and food to make and painful labour to birth children. But it was holy work. Why holy? Because it was what God placed in front of her. And her labour would not be in vain.
This too is true in my life. I too have to face consequences of my sin. How thankful I am that I have the whole of scripture and the beautiful story of redemption laid out in its pages. I have the truth of John 3:16 to hold onto. But like Eve, we have holy work in front of us. I don’t know what it is for you, but for me in this season it looks like folding clothes, wiping sticky hands, changing diapers, helping with letters and craft projects, making meals, coordinating house repairs, pulling weeds, writing, checking in with friends, wiping tears, and saying prayers.
The lyrics of the following song have become like an anthem.
“This is the groaning
As You count every tear we have sown
And we trust what those tears will become
This is the stretching
Making room for our hope to arrive
Knowing You come to make us alive
To make us alive
We wait for light, we wait for rain
Behold the life born out of pain
Eyes to the dawn, we're not afraid
We do not labor in vain
We will keep breathing
When the burden is too much to bear
We can carry it if You are there
And You will deliver
All Your children to freedom and joy
In our sorrow, we're lifting our voice
Oh, we're lifting our voice
We wait for light, we wait for rain
Behold the life born out of pain
Eyes to the dawn, we're not afraid
We do not labor in vain
This moment of affliction
Is a quickly passing story
And every heartbreak's making
Us ready for Your glory
We wait for light, we wait for rain
Behold the life born out of pain
Eyes to the dawn, we're not afraid
We do not labor in vain”
“We Do Not Labour In Vain”, Faithful Project
I wish I knew the rest of Eve’s story. Did she wonder when the promise would be fulfilled? How many children did she birth? Did she get frustrated with Adam just leaving his stuff laying around? Did she experience dissatisfaction with her body? Did her kids drive her crazy? Did she continue to struggle with shame and guilt and pride and doubt? How did her heart ache to be nearer to God?
Just like Eve, I don’t know how the story of my life ends. What I do know is this: God is good and kind. He has not left me alone to figure it out. He meets me in my darkest moments and gives me hope. His love - oh He is love! And what He has called me to is a life of obedience. So I will continue to do the holy work in front of me. My labour will not be in vain.
“O God, grant that my heart might be ordered aright,
Knowing that all good service faithfully rendered is first a service rendered unto you.
Receive then this my service, that even in the midst of labours that hold no happiness in themselves, I might have increasing joy.”
Douglas McKelvey, Every Moment Holy, Volume 1, pg 18
PS. The quotes from Sally Lloyd Jones, as well as the song “We Do Not Labour In Vain” are part of a project released earlier this year called “Faithful Project.” A group of Christian women, authors and song writers, came together and spent some time studying various women we find in Scripture. They wrote songs together and later gathered to record an album titled “Faithful: Go and Speak” (My absolute favourite song on the album is one titled “Rise Up” based on the story of Esther). They also put about a book titled “Faithful” with each chapter mirroring the songs written on the album. The goal is “to the tell the story of God’s faithfulness in and through the women of the Bible, and His continued faithfulness to women throughout time.” (A quote from the back of the book.) I have been so encouraged listening and reading, with increased compassion for these women and increased awe in the faithfulness of God.
PSS. The photo used is actually one of me in labour with Elizabeth, snapped as I rested between contractions. Our cat, Patrick, had uncharacteristically become quite cuddly throughout the pregnancy and liked to get as close to the baby as possible. That labour experience was, as I’ve mentioned before, an experience that was painful and traumatic. And yet not in vain.