‘Twas the Final Exam
My students worked hard to complete a long and stressful term of online learning. I wanted some humour in the Final exam to lighten the mood as they completed the inorganic chemistry course. The verses of the poem were interspersed with exam questions. I won’t burden this post with the full text of the exam, but very brief references will give context to the humour for all the science enthusiasts.
‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all ‘cross the land,
The hard working students found finals at hand.
The term had seemed endless, with many late nights,
And here was December, with holiday lights!
Soon would come cookies and presents and snow,
Candy canes and carols, and nativity’s glow,
Time with the family under candle-light gleam,
I laid down my head and I started to dream.
But the dreaming turned crazy, and what could it mean?
When chemistry mixed up with my holiday scene?
If I could just solve these problems, could get them quite right,
Then to all Merry Christmas and to all a good night!
A star on the crest of the Christmas tree green
Burnished copper shines out, with lustre and gleam,
Then a silent explosion bursts out like a flash,
Drops atoms and ions on my page like a rash! [1]
Then outside the door there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter,
Silver bells ringing, and copper and gold!
Tinkling and pealing in frosty air cold. [2]
The blast of cold air rushed to rosy-cheek glows,
And I draw in fresh oxygen from my nose to my toes.
Then with excitement I see in the sky,
A sleigh and some reindeer go jingling by. [3]
Eight reindeer swift swoop down, the sleigh drops low,
As HO-HO-HO shouts St. Nick, and again HO-HO.
My mind jumbles his call to become H-two-O,
Yes, water and acid and ozone* you know.
(H2O, H3O+ and O3 – 5´H, 5´O – chemist’s humour) [4]
Snowflakes are falling, so I give you this ion,
SNO–! What, doesn’t exist? Give SCN– a try-on. [5]
Joyful carols drift skyward, music in the air,
Melodious “gl-OO-OO-OO-ria”, harmony rare,
Celebration comes singing to banish all care,
And more white SNow falling to make all things fair. [6]
Still thinking ozone, as memory comes knocking ….
Red balls on Christmas tree, plenty of talking,
Bonding together with light-hearted mocking,
At garland-draped mantle predicting coal within stocking! [7]
The tinsel bright glitters, it sparkles so merry!
First of silver ‘twas made, later lead – rather scary –
But now of aluminum fused onto plastic
In ccp crystal layer – oh how fantastic! (Dr B, too sarcastic?) [8]
Then crisp shortbread cookies replace sugarplums
And dance in my head until sprinkles become,
Four bright-colored salts to spread holiday cheer,
Crystals a- glitter with orange this year,
Snow white, golden yellow, the fourth Christmas green,
Colourful crystals, the best ever seen.
Cesium and cadmium, chromium in a theme!
Until mercury comes to mess up the scheme. [9]
A pause for reflection on all that you’ve learned,
And hope for success in the grade that you’ve earned. [10]
Make one final check, see that you’ve done your best,
Then click on submit, let the mouse* take a rest.
You have solved all these problems, proved you are quite bright,
So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
*the computer mouse, of course. No guarantees on furry biological specimens with long tails. This is chemistry!
** Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for hijacking the famous Christmas poem.
[1] - Question 1 - atom structure of copper atom and copper cation including arrangement of electrons.
[2] - Question 2 - Schrodinger wave equation and atomic orbitals for copper, silver and gold atoms.
[3] - Question 3 - term symbols for the oxygen atom and for an excited state oxygen atom.
[4] - Question 4 - Lewis structures, three-dimensional shape and symmetry point group for the molecules water, hydronium cation (acid) and ozone.
[5] - Question 5 - determination of the best structure for the thiocyanide ion.
[6] - Question 6 - molecular orbital (MO) diagrams for oxygen gas, superoxide ion and peroxide ion: O2, O2-, O2^(2-). Also an MO diagram for the SN molecule.
[7] - Question 7 - an MO diagram for ozone, and Question 8 - descriptions of the bonding in graphite (coal), the reactions of coal burning in oxygen, and the reactions of sulfur (found in coal) to form acids.
[8] - Question 8 - historically tinsel was made of silver and then of lead and finally of metals like aluminum coated onto plastic. My students determined the density of aluminum from information about the metal crystal structure, which is cubic closest packed (ccp).
[9] - Question 9 - analysis of four salts with cations of caesium, cadmium, chromium and mercury in terms of structure, ratio, energy, etc.
[10] - Question 10 - a few more questions about the typical reactivity of some main group elements and a question about the three most memorable “fun facts” from reading other students’ term projects.