Fathers

Fathers. This last Sunday, all around the world, dad’s were celebrated with steaks and goofy cards and handmade gifts and instagram tributes. We did exactly what Bob wanted to do: check on his bees. (Yes, we have two bee hives. To be talked about in another post sometime!) We picked up sushi lunch and cheesecake for the whole family, got his dad some thoughtful *last minute* gifts, and had a simple but good day. My sister and I called our step-dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. And as I went through the motions of the day, my own Papa was not far from my mind.

It was a complicated day emotionally. And I don’t think I am alone. We joke about people having “daddy issues,” but for many their relationship to their father is wrought with disappointment, pain, and unmet needs. Even for those who had wonderful, attentive fathers can see the flaws as they mature into adulthood. And I think perhaps it is this: written into our DNA is a relationship with God as Creator, and also as Father. And when the world broke, so did that relationship. Inside each of us is this searching and longing for things to return to the way it was meant to be. And so we try to have our earthly fathers fill that roll, only to be disappointed and hurt because they too are human and broken.

A father’s role therefore is ultimately to point their children to the true and perfect Father. Yes, they should protect and provide and discipline and teach and lead. But in doing so reflect God as Father.

A friend posted this on Instagram on Sunday that I thought was worth sharing.

“To those who grew up with an absent dad - there is a God who is present.
To those who grew up with an abusive dad - there is a God who protects.
To those who grew up with an apathetic dad - there is a God who is compassionate.
To those who have lost their dad - there is a God who is close to the broken-hearted.
To those who want to be a dad and can’t - there is a God whose heart breaks with ours.
To those who grew up without a dad - there is a God who calls you beloved.”
- @iansimkins

And I would add this: to those that are filling in the gaps - there is a God who will carry the burdens you shoulder.

To all the dads out there doing their best to love and lead their family with Christ as their example, I honour you and say keep going. It’s making a difference.

While I have know far too keenly the pain of losing a dad, I have also gained some dads in my life, for which I am grateful. And each in their way reflect and point me back to the Father. These earthly fathers know and gain their strength and wisdom from our Heavenly Father. The output from that into our lives is priceless. These are the ones dear to my heart.

Bob Wang

My partner in crime and father to my girls (and now official beekeeper), he is fun and silly, but also wise and strong. Everything he does he does to give us the best.

I knew Bob was a good man when we were dating, and it didn’t take me long to figure out he would be a wonderful husband. I had no idea that I was also marrying a man who would become an incredible father.

In fact, much to my embarrassment, I was skeptical. He didn’t have much experience in the way of babies. I was thinking short term. I should have been looking long term. While he managed the baby stage with the same practicality that he approaches taxes, (and changed as few diapers as possible) he has thrived in his role as dad as the girls have gotten older.

I had to learn how to let go and let him do things his way, remembering that he loves them as fiercely as I do. And to see him enter into their imagination, to encourage story telling, to begin to teach life lessons… well it just fills my heart with such joy and gratitude.

A few weeks ago I realized it had been over a month since I’d walked around the park near our house. And I realized it was because every afternoon, Bob was taking Ellie with him when he walked the dog. I asked him once what they talked about and his response was “I’m not totally sure… she just talked the whole time. I just added some active listening words every now and again.”

Detlev Buschhaus

My Papa. I miss him terribly, his wit and wisdom. Thankful for the time I did have with him. I can still see him grinding coffee after dinner, reading the newspaper spread out in front of him. I can see him with wheelbarrow and shovel, working in the garden. I can see him in his little red car with the radio blaring, pulling in to pick me up from piano lessons, or pulling up the gate at the end of the work day. I can see him dozed off with “Mahood” over his eyes on countless beaches or mountain tops, soaking in the sun. I can see him poking at a fire... perhaps the wood stove on a cold morning, or the campfire after we have roasted hot dogs and are ready to start making s’mores, getting those coals just right. He taught me how to pass time looking at rocks, the joy of a good walking stick, the delight of a sweet Muscat grape.

For several years after my dad passed I felt lost and unsure. Ann Voskamp, who recently lost her own father, summarized it beautifully when she wrote “I never realized how much safer the world felt because my Father was in the world too.”

There is much to be grateful for, and yet still so much to grieve.

Bill Wang

Bill Wang is the gem of all father-in-laws. The best YeYe to our girls and shoulders of which the whole family stands open. (And the girls sometimes literally stand…) It is his legacy we are blessed to continue. He will often tell me that I am his daughter, not just a daughter-in-law. If losing my Papa made me feel lost and unsure, gaining Baba restored that lost footing.

I can be having the worst day, and a visit from Bill will leave me with a huge smile on my face, full of confidence and peace for what lies ahead. For awhile it stumped me. And then it clicked. It's gratitude. Bill is always thankful, for the big and the little things. And he expresses it. So what flows from him is joy and kindness and love. I see the fruit of his relationship with God.

Darren Lockhart

Nearly three years ago my mom remarried the world’s kindest man and we gained another father. He loves us as his own, worries about us like any parent and does not hesitate to help any chance he can. Every day he prays for us. His addition into our family has brought healing we are just beginning to see the fruit of. One of the hardest parts of the pandemic has been not being able to see them.

Easter 2019 with an itty bitty Nora and a goofy Ellie.

Heavenly Father

Finally, the one dearest to my heart.

There is a song I loved in high school based on the names of God. The lyrics are as follows:

“Elohim, the Creator
Jehovah-Shammah, the Lord is There
My Master, Adonai
El Elyon, the God Most High
Yhwh, You Are the Lord
Jehovah-Rohi, My Shepherd
Mekaddishkem sanctifies you
The Lord of Righteousness, Jehovah-Tsidkenu
El Roi, the God Who Sees
You are My Banner, Jehovah-Nissi
The All Sufficient One, El Shaddai
Jehovah-Jireh, You Will Provide
Rapha, the Lord Who Heals
Shalom, you are my Peace
The Lord of Hosts, Jehovah-Sabaoth
El Olam, the Everlasting God
Worthy is Your Name; Worthy of all my praise”
- Laurell Hubick

He is all those things. If I'm honest, it overwhelms me a little. He is so big. And so holy. And so good. And my 'religiosity' can't earn me into his presence. He loves me. ALL of me. Despite my sin and flaws. And that leaves me feeling exposed. I have nothing to give him. Except myself. And my love. But I always wonder, is it enough? It is enough. I can't earn His love and grace. He freely gave it to me. O what wonderous love is this. My response is to love him in return. And I do. It's not perfect. But it is sincere.

The one name that isn’t on that list is Abba. In the book of Romans, Paul says that because of the work of Jesus, we are now adopted sons and daughters, able to cry out “Abba Father.” I still have many days where that feels abstract and intangible and I feel a deep ache. But then I have other days when I find sweet rest and comfort and peace in being able to cry out and know I am being heard by one who loves me unconditionally.

I’ve wrestled with how to end this post. (Honestly, it’s probably long enough already!) I don’t have my thoughts or my emotions wrapped in a pretty bow. So I think the only thing left is this: I am praying for you. Even as I type, I am praying for those that read my words. And praying for myself. My prayer is simple. May we know the never-stopping, never giving-up, forever and always, unconditional, sacrificial love that Abba Father has for us.

Just Like You

Psalm 42