Just Like You

It was the middle of the afternoon, and we were sitting side by side on the floor of a cluttered playroom. When she was a baby I had bought a craft (rug-hook to be exact) of a monkey since she was born the year of the monkey. I got maybe 100 stitches in, and then it sat in a box. Until a month ago when she discovered it and asks for us to work together on it. So here we were, sitting, talking, crafting. I was doing the stitches, she was handing me the right colours. 

“I want to be just like you when I grow up.” 

As soon as the words left her mouth I was simultaneously moved, inspired, worried, and convicted. 

Moved. It is a special thing to hear my daughter say that she aspires to be like me. It means she looks up to me, admires me. And I got choked up. For many years I struggled with self-esteem and low self-worth. I still have my moments where I can easily slip into negativity. So to hear my sweet nearly 5 year old say those words boasted my confidence. 

Inspired. One of the reasons I began counselling when Elizabeth was young was out of a desire to be the best mom I could be. Since then, I work to be the best Anne I can be, and the rest seems to follow. To hear Elizabeth express a desire to be like me inspires me to get serious again about doing that hard work. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve let it slip the last few months. I want to show my girls what it looks like to be walking in health of body, mind, and spirit, and not indulgence. 

Worried. The second sentence she said was “‘Cause you’re just like Jesus.” Uh-oh. Every fibre inside of me wanted to yell “No no no no no! Don’t look at me. Don’t be like me. I’m not like Jesus at all.” I didn’t, but rather used it as an opportunity to look at what part of the training is missing. If there is one area I could work on it would be demonstrating repentance and making amends and seeking forgiveness. I don’t want her to think I am perfect. Nor do I want her to think that she can attain perfection. I think this summer will be an emphasis on humility. And it’s probably one I need too. 

Convicted. I have multiple opportunities every day to point my girls to Jesus, if only I would choose to use them. Whether it is in disciplining and correcting, or teaching of songs and scripture, in conversations about the things we see. I also have an opportunity to point them to Jesus by letting them into my mistakes, being vulnerable with them about the times I need something specific from Him. I can show them how I am learning to be like Him and how that changes what I do and say. Because as I heard the words “I want to be just like you mom,” my heart echoed that cry to Jesus. “I want to be like you Lord!” 

This year has been a special one for me and the girls. The fact that Ellie said those words to me communicated it has meant a lot to her too. Covid restrictions have meant more time together as a family. Much fewer outside activities and playdates have meant I have had to be creative. It hasn’t been perfect. There has been a lot of TV. But I’ve pushed myself to be more present and engaged, entering into the play (which is not a strength of mine). Ellie and I did “Mommy school” where we would tackle a new life lesson every week, as well as memorize scripture. We developed a bedtime routine that involves prayer and singing together. 

I’ve seen my girls (Elizabeth in particular cause let’s be honest; Nora has become a toddler and is only influenced by food and getting things her way…) grow and blossom with that time together. Even 6 months ago I would have balked at the idea of her going to Kindergarten. But now? She’s ready. And I’m ready too. Okay, I’m almost ready. Okay okay, I’ll be ready in September. 

Here’s a toast to summer: 

May our days be long and full of sticky cuddles and dripping popsicles.

May we not take for granted the time we find ourselves playing on the floor.

May we love fiercely those around us knowing that we are deeply loved.

May we practice humility even when it’s challenging.

May the roots of our trees grow deep into God so that we can bear great fruit that others will be attracted to. 

And may we forget that September is just around the corner at least until mid-Aug. 

Amen.

A huge thank you to the wonder teachers and staff (and other kids) at Over the Rainbow Preschool in Coquitlam for making what had the potential for being a weird year pretty normal.

And no, Elizabeth didn’t grow THAT much… but she did grow.