Faith in the Middle of the Sudden and Unexpected
As a kid, I remember a road trip our family took through the prairies. We were in Saskatchewan, leaving Moose Jaw with directions to the farm belonging to distant family. And our instructions were to turn right after the bend in the road. We missed the “bend.” Being from BC, we were used to sharp 90 degree bends that came with lots of signage and warning of what was coming. Windy mountain roads with switchbacks and poor visibility, often with sheer rock face going vertically up on one side and deep valley on the other.
As I was having a conversation with a friend this week, this contrast came to mind. Sometimes in life, there are barely distinguishable shifts in our paths that start to lead us different directions. And then there are the hard right turns. The thing is, sometimes those right turns come with lots of signage, giving you time to slow down and prepare. And other times, they seem to come out of nowhere. Those moments. The sudden and unexpected. The unthinkable and unimaginable.
We’ve all had those moments. The phone call. The conversation. The appointment. The trigger that then sends your life in a completely different direction in the blink of an eye. Perhaps temporarily. Perhaps permanently. The reaction is visceral, physical. Shock. Numb. Sick to the stomach. I think the more years you’ve lived, the more of these experiences you have had. And there will be more to come. And the question remains: how do we cling to our faith in these ‘pit-of-the-stomach’ lurches that take our breath away?
This month’s faith in the middle post will be slightly different. It will include a bit of my own story that I’ve been living the last few months. It will include wisdom and insight from my friend (we’ll be calling her Alice as she has requested anonymity). It also will be seeped in scripture. And will be a beautiful lead in to next month’s story.
Let me tell you a bit about Alice. A nurse of many years, she was raised in a Christian home, and accepted Jesus as a seven year old, mostly out of a fear of hell. At 15 years of age in a youth camp, she committed her life to Jesus. She describes her faith as a young teen as “enthusiastic.” And when I asked her to describe her faith now, she used the word “endurance.” It struck me as a powerful summary of a faith that has seen many sudden hard turns. For Alice, some of these moments have been bad diagnoses in her personal life, as well as in her profession as a nurse. It has looked like the sudden death of a parent and changing friendships and hurting community. It also has been profound moments of being overwhelmed by her own sin, or even recognizing where her actions have had a negative impact on her children.
As I sat with Alice, she emphasized again and again the importance of speaking TRUTH into the moment. What is true is that God is sovereign and in control. And in fact, to think that we have any control when we face these right turns is a thought that is, at its core, selfish and a lie, arrogant and unbiblical. Paul in the book of Ephesians tells us to put on the belt of truth. For a soldier in those days, even if they didn’t have their other armour and weapons, they always had their belt. I was struck by this. Always. No matter the situation. Truth. And we find truth in the living breathing word of God. His words, on pages, for us to read and treasure and have ready at hand when something threatens to knock us off our feet.
I found out I was pregnant at the end of January, at 4 weeks along. It didn’t take long before the nausea hit. And it was constant. For months I didn’t feel myself. I felt as if I was barely surviving, let alone thriving. As I rounded the corner of the first trimester and into the second, I was hit with a wave of sadness and grief I couldn’t pin point to any one thing. And then suddenly… One minute I was standing in my kitchen, making pizza with my mom for Eleanor’s birthday. Everything was fine. The next moment I felt flushed, my abdomen started cramping, and my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. I knew. I knew instantly something wasn’t right. I went to the bathroom just in time to see the blood. My body started rocking as the sobs started to take away my breath. After a trip to emergency and an ultrasound the following day, it was determined I had a sub-chorionic hemorrhage. The baby was fine. And yet everything changed as I was told to “take it easy.” (Don’t you hate it when someone tells you to take it easy? The doctor also said, “try not to get too stressed.” How, exactly? Anyways, moving on).
Then came the phone call from the midwife. The screening bloodwork I had done came back for abnormal in the neuro-tube defect category. It hit me as I sat in church a few days later: the sorrow and grief and sobs. Another quickly scheduled ultrasound showed other things that were slightly concerning. After waiting a few weeks, I finally had an appointment with the maternal fetal doctor. The little guy is healthy and growing normally. All the issues are with this body of mine that is supposed to be the safest place for him. This pregnancy will be classified as high risk until the moment I hold him in my arms. And it is so easy to quickly slide into fear and “if only’s” and the worst case scenarios.
Author and speaker Annie F Downs will often say that our emotions are allowed to sit in the passenger seat, but they aren’t allowed to drive the car. We’re allowed to feel ALL the emotions. Cause that’s just a part of being human. And ignoring them doesn’t help anyone. But we can’t let them speak truth into our lives. Our emotions don’t get to make the decisions of how we respond. When we are faced with a sudden right turn, it’s important distinguish what we’re FEELING and then what is TRUE, about ourselves, about the situation, about God, about the future.
Scripture is full of sudden and unexpected things happening. In just a few minutes of brainstorming, I thought about Mary and the angel suddenly appearing to her, declaring that she would be the mother of the Son of God. In that instant, her whole life changed. I thought of Gideon who was threshing wheat in the wine press for fear of enemies. The weakest member of the weakest clan. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and called him to step out in faith and courage to lead God’s people. I thought about Job, who lost his wealth in the form of his livestock, as well as all his children. His response was to declare, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” I thought of the jailer in Acts, who was ready to kill himself after a sudden earthquake broke open the doors of the jail where Paul and Silas were imprisoned. And in a profound encounter, the jailer and his whole family are baptized that very day. I thought about Joseph. Talk about experiencing a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, the guy was thrown into a literal pit by his brothers and then sold as a slave. When he later is united with them, he declares to his brothers: “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result…” (Genesis 50:20) Scripture doesn’t dwell on the initial reactions of these individuals. Though, it seems the first words out of an angel’s mouth is always “Do not fear,” so I’m thinking that fear was a common response. I don’t think their initial reactions were that dissimilar to our own. But the lesson is found in their response.
Let me paint you another picture. There was this king who from an early age was called to do great things for his people. Though the youngest and smallest, he faced giants (figurative and literal) with purpose and confidence. He fought many battles and enemies and secured peace for his people. God blessed him and his family. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, his son behind his back has been conspiring to overthrow him. In order to preserve the lives of his household, the king has to flee the capital and his throne. Talk about sudden and unexpected. I can’t imagine the pit in the stomach he must of felt. His own flesh and blood. Anger. Fear. Devastation. Yet these are the words he writes:
“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory and the one who lifts up my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid….” (Psalm 3:3-6a)
Again and again in the Psalms, we see David lament and question and cry out to God. But he always comes back to speaking truth. He lets the feelings draw him closer to God. And his response is one of worship.
Alice shared some of her favourite truths found in Psalms. (Emphasis is my own)
Psalm 138:7-8
“If I walk into the thick of danger, you will preserve my life from the anger of my enemies. You will extend your hand; your right hand will save me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. Lord, your faithful love endures forever; do not abandon the work of your hands.”
Psalm 71:17-20
“God, you have taught me from my youth, and I still proclaim your wondrous works. Even while I am old and gray, God, do not abandon me, while I proclaim your power to another generation, your strength to all who are to come. Your righteousness reaches the heights, God, you who have done great things; God, who is like you? You caused me to experience many troubles and misfortunes, but you will revive me again. You will bring me up again, even from the depths of the earth.
Psalm 107 is titled: “Thanksgiving for God’s Deliverance”
In this psalm, various circumstances are listed. But the psalm starts off this way: “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, his faithful love endures forever.”
And then from v4-9: “Some wandered in the desolate wilderness… they were hungry and thirsty and their spirits failed within them… He rescued them from their distress…. For He has satisfied the thirsty an filled the hungry with good things.”
From v10-16: “Others sat in darkness and gloom - prisoners in cruel chains…. He saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and gloom and broke their chains apart.”
From v17-22: “Fools suffered affliction because of their rebellious ways… He saved them from their distress; He sent his word and healed them; He rescued them from the pit.”
And from v23-32: Others were at sea, surrounded by the storms, courage melting away… “He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper and the waves of the sea were hushed…. Then He guided them to the harbour they longed for.”
In every situation, give thanks. Worship. Because the truth is, God is a God who moves. He does not stand at a distance. He cares intimately for you. And there is nothing that you are walking through that He doesn’t see, that He himself has not walked through.
As I ponder David’s story and read his words in the psalms, I am drawn back to the word Alice used to describe her faith now, after walking 45 years with the Lord. Endurance. This is what Wikipedia says about endurance. “Endurance (also related to sufferance, resilience, constitution, fortitude, and hardiness) is the ability of an organism to exert itself and remain active for a long period of time, as well as its ability to resist, withstand, recover from and have immunity to trauma, wounds or fatigue.” This is what scripture says (from Peter 1): “Count it all JOY… whenever you experience various trails, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.”
Alice said this to me in our conversation:
“If you have endurance in those trials, He is making you complete and perfect, lacking in nothing. That’s the goal. That is something I cling to. He is doing a work. And He is preparing me for eternity. So counting it joy, I never understood that verse when I was younger, but now I do. Not in its fullness by any measure. but I am seeing Him knocking me back to Himself as a sign of grace and mercy. The fact that He is still working on me…. You’re always looking for wisdom when you get in the hardships and the trials, right? And what next? And James says if you seek wisdom from above, because its pure and perfect and gentle, it’s open to reason, it’s sincere, it produces good fruit, there’s just so much that that wisdom from above does. So when I’m in those right angle moments where you’re just to the ground, I am praying for wisdom that is from above. Not for the foolish wisdom that just delves into ‘why does this happen, how did this happen,’ all the stuff that gets you nowhere.”
So let’s put our roots down into the truth we find in the Word of God. Roots ground us. Roots allow for endurance. So that when the sudden and unexpected comes, and it will come, we have truth to guide us. And let our response be to worship. I am speaking to myself as I continue to walk through this pregnancy. I leave you with this verse as you walk through your own out of nowhere moments.
Psalm 27:13-14
“I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord.”