A Weed Called Jealousy
I was reminded of this note I wrote last year after listening to a sermon our pastor did a few weeks back on Jealousy’s twin named Envy. The last in a series on the Seven Deadly Sins, Mark Clark left us with this challenge:
“Can we bless others, can we encourage others, can we champion and celebrate other people’s wins and promote them verses shrivelling inside when someone else is winning?”
Ooof.
(Great sermon, fantastic series. Check out this link for the sermon or others in the series).
But back to what I was saying. It brought to mind something I wrote while wrestling with some jealousy in my heart fall of last year. I realized that jealousy is like a weed. A nasty, thorny weed with stubborn roots. And while currently I am doing a better job at identifying the weeds and pulling them quickly, this still stands as a good warning and reminder.
Perhaps there are some weeds that need pulling in your own heart this week. Perhaps some lies need to be broken down. Let me encourage you that there is freedom on the other side. So pull those weeds and speak truth.
Jealousy.
It's been a faint shadow creeping into my heart this past week. I saw it there, but didn't deal with it. But not dealing with it has allowed it to grow, slowly, but still taking root. It is a nasty weed that if left unattended would completely take over the soil and choke out the roots of the small plant of healing and wholeness I am trying to grow.
I googled it. What does jealousy mean?
Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.
Yikes. Talk about getting right the point and not softening the punches. Feelings of insecurity and fear. Resentment, inadequacy.
I am jealous of others getting opportunity to speak and share, doing those ministry things that are in my heart to be doing.
I am jealous when other women are just that little bit ahead of me, or seem to have the right connections, be in the "inner circle".
I am jealous of different life stages: the single woman who can take that weekend away with girlfriends, or the wife and mom whose kids are older so her house doesn’t show the constant battle with toys.
Insecurity. What if I'm no good?
Fear. What if its just a pipe dream and I am just a fool to dream?
Resentment. Why do others seem to have the life I want to have?
Inadequacy. Do I really believe I am capable of acheiving the dreams God has placed on my heart?
Jealousy is so ugly. It takes good things and turns them sour. It takes opportunity to build up and encourage others and instead makes me want to bring them down. It allows room for lies to fester and grow. It is subtle in its destructiveness, but destructive none the less.
This has been the state of my heart.
Then this morning, this encouragement came across my instagram feed from Christine Caine:
"You will be tempted to compare.
You will be tempted to quit.
You will be tempted to compete.
You will be tempted to despair.
You will be tempted to stray.
You will be tempted to pull back.
You will be tempted to settle.
You will be tempted to be smug.
Don't do it."
The temptation is always there. Jealousy is just waiting to take root. I have to remember to pull the weed. Every morning. Every time I am on social media. Every time I wish I was in someone else's shoes... pull the weed. I need to remind myself to not give in to the temptation to compare or settle or pull back or compete or despair. God has created me uniquely and loves me unconditionally. What He has in store for me is what will be best for me. Right now, in this season, with what He has given me, is exactly the right thing. To wish for anything else is to deny Him lordship in my life.
So the minute I see that sprout start to poke through…
Pull the weed. Speak truth.
Pull the weed. Speak truth.
And again.